Disclaimer: I am only speaking from experience here. Every relationship is different, what works for my relationship may not work for yours.
If you are currently in a long distance relationship and searching for every answer to try and make it a little easier, I know your pain. I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 ½ years and you know what? IT CAN WORK!!! In the beginning, the stereotypes of long distance relationships scared me, but I have learned to overcome that fear by using the tips I discuss below. I will note that my boyfriend (Ian) and I are not super long distance like counties apart (if you are I give you so much credit because that’s hard) but we are far enough apart that my heart hurts from missing him so much.
How We Met
Before I get started I will give you some background on my relationship. I met Ian when I went to surprise my friend Andrew at his school that was about 5 hrs away from mine. Ian was Andrews’s roommate. Ian and I had instantly hit it off, to be honest, he was not like any guy I had met before. We kept talking and seeing each other about once a month. We honestly just thought we were having fun and didn’t know if it would turn into anything due to the distance. Then it came to a point that we would never meet anyone like each other and committed to working on our relationship despite the distance. Now 3 ½ years later we are more in love with each other than ever.
A long distance relationship is going to take A LOT of work but when you truly love someone it will work. Below are things I did to make it a little easier as well as what long distance taught me.
Make Sure to Communicate
I cannot stress this enough communication is key to a strong and healthy long distance relationship. The other person is not around to understand how you are feeling. Phone calls and text messages are easy to make it look like everything is okay. I learned this a year into my relationship when I freaked out about the distance. I was not communicating with Ian about how I was feeling and it all leads to an overwhelming breakdown. We never saw each other and that was taking a toll on me. By not communicating about how I felt I was putting so much pressure on myself, when I finally talked to him about it I felt a million times better. That is when I learned that I am not alone in this he has worries himself. So, make sure you are communicating about everything with your partner.
Make Sure to Plan Ahead
Something that made long distance so much easier was knowing the next time we would see each other. It gave us something to hold onto on those days when we were really missing each other. Saying goodbye is the hardest part of long distance but knowing the next time you will see each other gives you the strength to know it will be okay.
Make sure to Call /Facetime Each Other
If you have to spend months a part facetime or skype will be your best friend. Phone calls are nice but when you can see their face it’s even better. We also text every day we don’t do it all day because we both have busy lives but we make sure to check in and see how the other is doing. Just having a line of communication going with the other person helps to make it seem like you are not so far apart.
Make Sure to Understand Each Other
This is something I really had to learn. You have to understand that you both are trying to grow yourselves and develop friendships. So if one of you cancels a call or facetime because you have plans with friends you have to give them that space. You have to understand that this is not easy on both of you but having friends around makes it a little easier. It will be disappointing but since I have communicated with my boyfriend it upsets me we always set a new time.
Make Sure to Have Fun
Having fun with it is so important!!! Something we did to make it fun was with surprises (him more than me because he is so good at it). The surprises can be anything from unexpected calls or facetime, visits, letters, gifts, etc. It has helped keep our relationship alive. Now I am not saying you need to go out and spend a lot of money but a quick phone call out of the blue can really make your partner’s day.
Taught me Personal Develop
Since both of us could not be together all the time it gave us the chance to spend time with friends and ourselves to grow. We both have been able to develop who we are with each other and without each other. I believe this is so important to be able to be successful in your relationship you need to be your own person. This is something that has made our relationship so strong.
Taught me How to be Strong
If you are in a relationship that just turned long distance it’s going to be super hard but it’s also going to make your relationship strong. You two are going to learn how to make choices on your own, trust each other more than ever, and fall deeper in love. This is going to be one of the hardest things you do in your relationship but it’s going to make you realize that you got the hard part done early, so anything else you go through won’t be as hard as being apart.
Taught me How to Trust
Long distance may not be for everyone but if you truly love this person and want to be with them then you have to trust them. You are not going to know where they are 24/7 so you have to give them your 100% trust. You have to believe them when they tell you things. It will be hard but it’s the only way to stop yourself from worry till you are sick. If they break your trust well then they are not for you!!!!
Taught me How to Love Hard
I can tell you right now that I am so in love with my boyfriend when we are apart it feels like a piece of me is missing. I honestly credit a lot of it to our long distance. It has made our relationship so strong every time we see each other I swear we fall more in love because we are constantly learning more and more about one another. You also never run out of things to talk about.
There are many articles about long distance relationships and trust me I have probably read half of them. Every relationship is unique and you have to find what works for you. I am telling you now if you truly love this person and can’t see your life without them, then you will make long distance work. Won’t be easy, maybe the hardest thing you ever do but it’s 100% worth because when you are back together you will love each other more than before.
Let me know in the comments if you want another post on this I have a few more tips up my sleeve.